Until We Meet Again

A Eulogy for my Mom

On behalf of my father, Gabe, I, we would like to sincerely thank our family, friends, and the community of Sheridan for coming alongside us during this difficult time. We have been blessed by your condolences, meals, your willingness to grieve with us, your ability to help us laugh, and your shared memories of my mom that have now become sacred pieces of her story. Your love has truly been a sweet reminder of the impact that she had on this world.

While I never imagined I’d be planning my mom’s funeral or delivering her eulogy, I can honestly say that it’s been an honor of a lifetime. I can’t imagine a better way to celebrate my mom’s legacy then speaking with you today. In the two weeks that have passed, I’ve spent an immense amount of time in the quiet touching my mom’s belongings, smelling her clothes, trying on her jewelry, questioning some of the things she had had stashed away, admiring her unfinished art, and to my surprise, finding notes she had left behind only for us to discover. She lived an incredible life of service. She loved people. And most of all, she loved the Lord. Today we honor the extraordinary life of my mom Pamela C. Bridger whose light was so radiant it beamed straight into heaven. To know her was to love her.

She smelled of roses, her smile lit up every room she entered, and her humor always challenged the status quo. Growing up she was the mom that threw the fear factor birthday party, let her kid get fake pink hair because she wanted to be a SPICE GIRL… haha, the mom that decorated for every holiday, hosted pizza movie nights for my friends, she was the mother who taught me how to draw and paint. She was my mother who lit fire to my dreams!

She was the mother who challenged conversations with grace, she mothered my friends as if they were her own, and she taught us how to identify the beauty in everything we saw and every person we encountered. My mom was patient, she took the time to listen to me when I needed to talk…and boy would we talk and laugh for hours…if you let her, she’d talk your ear off. She truly valued an open mind and poured wisdom into every conversation she held.

She valued justice and integrity. She was a woman of her word…..except when it came to time of course….she did always run a little late, but she sure looked cute when she walked through those doors. And she wasn’t afraid to let you know it!

My mother led by being a great example. With her spunky personality and her ability to make friends out of everyone…even animals…she broke stereotypes and barriers. Many described her as a spitfire — fun, colorful, and bold. She loved cards with inspirational messages, she loved to bake beautiful cakes and cook gourmet meals. She loved beautiful things like fine china, a hand embroidered sweater, or even a dainty piece of jewelry, but, she also wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty gardening on a cool summer evening.

She saw beauty in the world around her, which she expressed through her paintings — it was her form of worship.

She was the warm hug you needed at the end of your day, the shoulder to cry on, and she always managed to show up with desserts at the most impressive times — just when you needed some cheering up!

My mom lived out her calling by loving people unconditionally. She never saw status, class, accolades, titles, she only saw people for exactly who they were, for who God created them to be. She was so lovely in that way.

Unconditional love is a sacred gift that takes an incredibly strong person to steward. Not only did she steward this gift well, but she lived it out each day despite the circumstances laid before her. My mom was the strongest woman I ever had the pleasure of knowing.

When I reflect upon the last five months of our lives, I am bewildered at how fast our world suddenly began to fall apart. One day we were celebrating my mom and I’s birthday together as we do every year because we share the same birthday and just like that, in the blink of an eye, the next week we found ourselves sitting in the ER as confusion struck our minds and questioned flooded our brains. More ER visits? What could this be now? If it wasn’t the cancer then what was it? And why? Please, God, not my sweet, Mom! It doesn’t make any sense — I pleaded with God. Hadn’t she already been through enough suffering. I can’t understand this! Breast cancer? Uterine Cancer? Now what…

My mom being the nurse she was and the pillar of courage she always had been proceeded only in confidence…

As time ticked on…

From November to December she lost her ability to speak

From December to January she lost her ability to walk

From January to February she would spend her last month in the comfort of her own home before being admitted to the hospital for 1 week, transferred to a rehabilitation center in Casper for 2 weeks, and finally from there she would return to Sheridan where she would spend the last three weeks of her life at Greenhouse Living…

{BREATHE}

For months we painfully waited for answers as we forged our way through the holiday season. Everyday a new journey with new challenges. Clinging to hope, we moved forward with one foot in-front of the other.

The week my mom was admitted to the hospital she was diagnosed with a “double whammy” as the doctors put it. A typical Alzheimers, but more seriously, was the discovery of an extremely rare and deadly cell found in her spinal fluid that began to attack itself resulting in the sudden impairments throughout her body… Here we go again I thought…

How! Why! I wept! I mourned and wrestled with God. It was in that moment I remembered a conversation we had one week after the new year. It was the greatest memory we made together before everything changed.   At this point in our journey, I had stopped working in order to care for her at home. The sun was shining, I wanted to make it a special day, so we left the house for a mother-daughter day of shopping and buying flowers — one our favorite thing to do. On our way downtown mom wanted to stop at the park for a short walk, which was a little out of the ordinary as we hadn’t done that during the winter…ever. As we strolled through the park hand in hand she suddenly began to grip my hand as if she could no longer sustain herself upright. My heart sank to my toes. When we made it back to the car, we looked at each other, we took a breath, and we began to sob as we recognized that this could potentially be the last time she might ever walk again… My heart broke into a million trillion pieces as I cried out “Why!” “Why, mom” “ I can’t understand this.” “I can’t understand this!” In that moment she took my hand and underneath her own tears she said, “You Will!” “You Will”

…the two most profound words I had ever heard from her in my entire life.

You see, it was in that moment that my mom eliminated the option for me to dwell in fear, what I could or couldn’t control…the inevitable. She knew that if she was fully trusting in God with all of her heart and soul, it meant that she must welcome any outcome, whatever that outcome might be. In that moment of time she taught me the most valuable lesson I would receive from her during her earthly walk of life.

Although she couldn’t understand why this particular set of circumstances happened to her, and although she had already walked through suffering, although it wasn’t fair, although she knew she would have to say goodbye to her daughter, her husband, her family, her puppies, her earthly treasures, she never…not once… questioned God’s plan or purpose over her life even if it meant saying goodbye…for now…In her heart, she knew that God was SO BIG HE HAD to be working through her to strengthen us through this…and wow…was she right…we are stronger for having gone through this as a family. And while I would never wish this on anyone, I believe our story of resilience will continue to inspire others just as she did. Deep in our hearts we knew our goodbyes were only a few sunsets away. Clinging to God, faith, and family we began to help finish preparing her for her voyage to heaven. A destination of a lifetime. A place she looked to the sky and joyfully yearned for.

I am the proud daughter of Pamela Cheri Andrea Bridger who found beauty in all creation, hope in the impossible, joy in the sadness, laughter behind the tears, and saw Christ in everyone. She loved each and every one of you so much, she believed in your light, and I know she was incredibly grateful for all the love you gave our family.

Mom, I miss you already. I miss you now, I will miss you tonight, tomorrow when I wake, next month at our wedding, I will miss you standing by my side when we start having children of our own, and all the moments in between. There are no words possible to describe this profound loss, this deep whole in our hearts, however, we all bind together in knowing and trusting that you’ve entered through the gates of heaven and we praise God for the great gift he blessed us with — You. We are eager to see what God has in store for us this season and we can’t wait to see how YOU, MOM, will continue to love us unconditionally from the glories heaven.

As we go forth today, may the love from my mother’s light radiate in all of us. May the character of her heart challenge us to love people without limits, help us to cultivate strength during the toughest of battles, unapologetically share our stories, and lift one another in unfailing love.

In closing, I’d like to share a prayer I found that she wrote.

“Father, thank you. Whenever you whisper, come and talk, you invite me into your throne room. What a blessing it is to come and sit in your presence and hear that you love me and forgive me. And in my hurting you remind me of the peace that comes from forgiving others. Your grace and mercy overwhelm me, Lord. I am coming. Thank you for hearing my prayer. Amen.”

Until we meet again.

In loving memory of Pamela Cheri Andrea Bridger

Nov. 5th 2024 — April 4th 2024